@%$#^&^$

Holy crap!  What was I thinking?  Or better yet, why was I not thinking.

Last night I went on a bender.  A poker bender.  I broke all the rules, played super fishy and gave all my money away.  Why don't I run into players like me.

I'm a super fish, a donk, an idiot.  Other players are right about me.  I suck.

I took 107.00 and turned it into 0 last night. 

Part of it was frustration from not being able to do anything to make money.  I was moving backwards too many days and not forwards.

I snapped.  I broke and I went broke.

Now I have to start over and try to rebuild.

I feel stupid.

But something happened in that crazy downward spiral.  I feel better about my game.  I lost hands that I should have won.   By the end I discovered patience again.  I had lost my patience and became bitter and angry at the game.  The love had disappeared.  I wanted to play but for the wrong reasons.

I discovered that love again.  Now I'm stupid in love and broke.  Not really broke, but definitely a long ways from where I want to be.  I could load a few hundred on the site and play larger games but its apparent to me that I need to learn and build as my game grows.

I loaded 20.00 and will work on building again.